How to take down a black bear

I had mentioned black bear pix last week, and I thought I should post some pix here of the ones I've seen this season so far. Now black bears are pretty intimidating beasts, but let me just say this-I think I could take one.

Now hear me out, black bears aren't the leviathans that grizzlys are. Black bears only get to be about five feet tall and 200 pounds, and for the most part they are garbage eating punk bitches. OK maybe not, but I literally could go toe-to-toe with a black bear.

Heres the thing, I've been watching an awful lot of ultimate fighting on my tv in skagway and Ive learned some new chokeholds that could easily be applied to a black bear, so I think in grappling match I could survive. Thats the trick is that these bears are so low to the ground if we went to the floor it could be all over. Now if we duked it out that woud be another story. Since I have about the same reach as a black bear all i would need to is to to get inside his punches, maybe warm up the ribs a little and thenwith his ursine guard down land a solid jab to the nose. Bears have incredibly sensitive noses and could be TKO'd easily if pounded em' on the schnaz. But as far as fisticuffs go theres no contest-the bear is wobbly on two feet and could not keep his guard up for long, with a quick jab or even a right hand lead I could chop a bear down like Ali wailing on Foreman.

The only problem there is the set of razor sharp claws bears have. Which leads me to conlude that all I would need is a set of titatnium steel forearm guards kind of like batman has in the recent movie. With those in place I could deflect the slashes and pentrate the bears whirling hurricane of fur and claw and fustigate em!

I have nothing against black bears, but I definitely would make orphans of their cubs if they crossed me.

-E

Words of Wisdom From Robert W. Service

I was just sharing a fantastic quote with Bob from Robert Service and I thought I might post it here too. For those of you philistines who don't know who Robert Service is, he is the premier poet of the Yukon. A scotsman and wandering poet hobo who ended up famous for his poems of the gold rush and the north land, heres what Bob Service says about all those high falutin' folks on their high horses who think they're better than ya:

"Dignity is the camouflage of charlatans. What man is dignified with his pants down or in the act of perpetuating his species? Dignified men are hypocrites and frauds. No man who has the honesty to see himself as he really is can be anything but humble. Only fools take themselves seriously..."

Robert W. Service, from Ploughman on the Moon

Back in the Great Land and Sexy as Ever!

So I have returned to the great land and it is with some trepidation. In fact I just recalled that it was this time last year that I had a fairly intense dream with the ol' prince of darkness. Funny story if you hadn't heard it before. Anyways needless to say I havent heard from him this summer, but I am starting to wonder if I did not afterall succumb to another faustian bargain by signing up for another summer working with Holland America Cruise Lines. The souless corporation we lovingly refer to up in these parts as Uncle Hal.

And when I say Uncle, its not goodnatured avuncularity (ask Bob on that word) that makes me, for example, the favorite uncle. No Uncle Hal is the kind of evil Uncle from an Oprah Winfrey book club selection who molests children and gambles the family fortune on cockfights.

Yes, if you're wondering I am a little bitter about this job this season. I guess on the one hand its hard to leave the job you love doing (writing real news stories) to go back to a summer job schmoozing tourists for tips.

All right the upside is that yes this country is still awesome up here. And the money is good, and I am glad to see some old faces. But it is still difficult. Especially getting back into the swing of things. I already scratched the bck of a brand new half a million dollar bus while my boss was on board, and I've also gotten the dreaded morning call from my boss asking me where the hell I was and why was I not picking up people yet. Thats is jsut too much stress in the mornings I tell you.

I am enjoying hanging out with the other drivers though. There are 3 quackenbush's up here this season, and I have been on the highway with Chris Quackenbush this last week, who reminded me that its always a bad move to say to your guests that youve had a "senior moment" when you forget to do something.

I also have met a hilarious mormon kid named wayne who was in italy the same time as luke just in another mission. Me and him are the only bearded drivers out of skagway and we are gonna ride it out as long as we can.

It was funny we had a good moment the other day while we were hanging out at the drivers house Whitehorse (territorial capital of the Yukon) and I asked a group of drivers "hey...you guys ever sit and imagine what it would be like to drive the bus off the road" I was a little nervous but then there was a pause and they all chuckled and said "yeah..." and we talked for at least ten minutes about it.

Anyways Im just figgering this blogworld out, and this first post may be lame but I promise that soon it will easily surpass lukesnerdblog.com Also I got some pics here of me at the top of moose hide slide in Dawson city, and a picture of a perty lake and coming soon black bear pix!

Anyways

E-rok